Our Story

Some years ago we found out we couldn’t have children. That was tough to hear. And living with that reality was even harder. We thought the first Laparoscopy would take care of everything. Then the second. And yet a third. Have you ever gotten your hopes up only to have them dashed like waves against a rock wall? It leaves you breathless. Unsure of how to cope or communicate. You make decisions you wouldn’t ordinarily and life feels like a fog that won’t lift. That was our world for two years.

“When are you guys going to have kids?” This was the question we heard more than too many times. Baby shower invitations were difficult to open and it wasn’t long before depression moved in like a cloud over our home. Been there? Writing about it brings up memories of great difficulty but living on this side of pain reminds me just how far God has brought us.

I traveled almost every weekend during those years which left my wife home alone. Alone, to deal with the pain. Even when I was home I wasn’t present when it came to discussing children. I can’t find any explanation why I didn’t communicate with her, but I didn’t and time dredged on. One particular weekend I was at an event when a gentleman approached me and introduced himself as Pastor Joe. He asked about my family and then the question came.

Do you all have children?

I told him we didn’t and then for some reason I told him we couldn’t have children. I didn’t mean to tell him it just sort of spilled out before I realized it. He said he was sorry and told me he and his wife had struggled with infertility year earlier but that God had blessed them with a beautiful baby girl through adoption. He told me with a smile, that they now were enjoying their grandchildren. Before he left he asked me to contact him to discuss coming to his church as music guest. Since he had never heard me sing or play, I figured it was a nice gesture and that I’d never see him again.

Six months later I contacted Pastor Joe and was invited to a 4-day conference at their church. I didn’t realize meeting him in the midst of thousands of people would be the beginning of a truly amazing story.

I arrived late on a Saturday afternoon, nervous but ready for the days ahead. Sunday morning went well and after lunch I invited some friends to the evening service. They came and brought a couple with a little baby. When I was introduced to their friends, I commented that their baby was cute. They thanked me and said they had just adopted him a couple months earlier. The next evening a gentleman purchased my CD and asked if I’d sign it. There’s a first time for everything. He gave me two names to address the CD to. I’m not sure why. but I asked him if the names he gave me were his children. With a huge smile he said, “yes, they are my adopted children.”

After a round of golf the next morning, my friends called and invited me to lunch. Their worship leader joined us and ten minutes into our conversation he asked if my wife and I had children. I told him no and he commented that he and his wife didn’t either. Finally, I had met someone who was like us. Then he said, “but we are adopting in a couple months.” What?? Unbelievable! I thought everyone in this town must be adopted. I remember most everything about that moment. The tree we parked under. The cracks in the pavement. The slightly overcast day. I don’t remember much about the food or any of the rest of our conversation. My mind was racing.

The next morning Pastor Joe picked me up for lunch. On the way, he told me about a woman who had requested prayer the night before for a young lady she was working with planning to give her child up for adoption. She was praying the child would be placed in a christian home. Pastor Joe said, “I know we haven’t talked about you and your wife’s infertility since last year but is this something you may have interest in?” I was glad I was sitting down. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I couldn’t speak for a second. I remember him saying, “are you okay?”  Finally, I told him what had been happening ever since I had arrived. He said, “Regi, did you ever stop to think that maybe God is up to something?” That’s one lunch I don’t remember and I like Chinese food. I called Pastor Joe’s assistant as soon as I returned to my hotel room. Within a few moments I was on the phone with the social worker. After a 20 minute discussion she asked if I’d like to meet the birth parents. Whew. I’d never done this before. “Yes”, I blurted out. I was leaving early the next morning so she didn’t know if it would be possible. But she called back to say we could meet that evening after the service. I couldn’t tell you anything about that final worship service except that immediately after the final prayer we were walking out the door. My heart started beating faster. I felt like I needed to let down a window.

And then we were in the parking lot. Waiting.

As we sat in the parking lot, I could hear my heart pounding against my chest. My mind was racing. I wondered if I’d be cool enough. I was afraid my accomplishments wouldn’t measure up. I felt inadequate. Then a car pulled up 3 spaces over. A young couple appeared. Hesitant. Half smiles. With obvious apprehension. Table for 4 please. And there we were face to face sipping our cold soda’s when the birth mom quietly brought out a small pad of paper and pen and started asking questions. I answered until she seemed satisfied. The birth father hadn’t said 2 words. So, I asked him what he enjoyed doing. He shrugged and said he liked to bowl. Funny, God has a sense of humor. At that time I was in two bowling leagues. And, of course, that sparked an instant connection. Bowlers unite! Writing about this feels like it all happened yesterday.

After about an hour we said our goodbyes and I joined Pastor Joe and his family for dinner. He asked if he could pray for God’s will and we did. If you would have known me during this time of my life, you would understand just how unusual this story is. I didn’t talk much about having children. This left my wife reeling with frustration and the pain of not having me there, willing to communicate during our journey with infertility.

The next morning came early. Pastor Joe picked me up for the airport and just as I got in the car he said I needed to contact the social worker right away. I called and she informed me that if I wasn’t serious about adoption that I needed to tell her because the birth parents had called saying they wanted more information about our family. Whew! I figured now was probably a good time to call my wife back in Nashville to tell her what was up.

When Kim answered the phone I said, “you’re never going to believe what I did last night.”

I was home within a few hours after our talk and we started collecting pictures and we videoed Kim saying hi to the birth parents. We sent everything Fed-Ex and waited. I had no idea that Kim had slipped a letter in with the package to the birth mom.  Here’s part of that letter.

I can’t imagine what you are feeling as you are preparing to make one of the greatest decisions of your life. When Regi told me we were going to be among those considered to be your little girl’s parents, I cried and cried and cried. I never dreamed it could happen. But I realize how hopeful our future is and how God can work miracles in very mysterious ways. Please know above all that whether or not you choose Regi and me, it is my hope that you find peace in your choice of parents and that you gain the wisdom needed to make this decision. However, If we are your choice, you can be assured every night before you go to sleep that your baby will be loved unconditionally. My arms have longed to be filled with a baby for so long that I don’t know if I would ever let go of her. We are truly honored that you’ve even considered us. You have given me yet another moment’s strength and another day’s hope. May your years be filled with peace, love and happiness.”

The next few days seemed like forever.

The rest of our story is written by Kimberlee.

The phone call from Regi came out of nowhere. I was in the bathroom putting make-up on to go to my job selling make-up. Life was miserable. And I sure didn’t want to hear my cheery husband calling from an exotic location where he’d probably ordered room service the night before while I ate a bologna sandwich. (Okay, so Kansas isn’t exactly exotic, but at the time, anywhere was better than the hole I was in.)

To top things off, he called with a story about a baby. The last thing this woman dealing with infertility wanted to hear was about some rosy-cheeked baby he held between services so I tuned him out. I don’t know at what point I started listening, but I remember sitting down as my freshly applied mascara turned into big black tears. As if God were whispering in my ear, I suddenly knew this baby girl would be ours.

Two years earlier, my doctor confirmed my suspicions of infertility. So after many tests, my last option was outpatient surgery. All I remember as I lay in the recovery room is Regi telling me that it would be nearly impossible for me to have a baby. Instantly everything became clear. God had kept a record of my sins. Every scripture I’d ever highlighted in bright yellow had been a big lie. Too angry to cry all my tears, I determined that when the Big Guy and I got alone, we’d have it out once and for all.

You know that feeling you get when your electricity goes out on a night when the moon is hidden by clouds? That’s what the next two years were for me. Anger. Tears. Guilt. More tears. Ugly, ugly night. Eventually I would learn that the darkness has to come in order to give way to the light. It was during this time that I found my way to a 13-week Bible study and embarked on a journey of learning about God in a whole new way. A funny thing happened when I got honest with myself and God—my heart began to heal. Finally, two years later, I began letting go of things that I had no right to carry.

And the lights came back on.

I stood firm in my faith and acceptance of God’s love for me just the way I was. I found scripture I never knew existed. And I wrote through the pain. Before long, it was the beginning of a new year and I believed in my heart that I would become a mom this year, that my body would be healed this year. The days came and went, with nothing. Again I questioned…Are you there, God? It’s me, Kim.” I even tried to take back all the anger and guilt I had given Him, but He couldn’t remember where He put it! Helpless, I looked up and said, “What are you gonna do? Drop a baby out of Heaven into my arms?”

I guess you could say that’s what He had in mind.

Upon returning from Kansas, the man who had never even discussed adoption with me could hardly be contained. We wrote some letters, scrounged up the best pictures of family we could find, and took pictures of an empty room that we hoped would be filled, before sealing our dreams in a FedEx envelope. We waited for one very long week until the phone rang at 11:00 p.m. on April 15th. Thankfully, it wasn’t the IRS.

It was JoAnn, an angel from heaven in the form of a social worker. She told Regi, “Before you go to sleep tonight think pink. You’re going to be a father.” She said something to me next but all I remember is hearing the word “Mommy” and then crying. This time, the tears didn’t hurt.

We headed to Kansas on July 4th and by the next day we were at the hospital awaiting our precious daughter to be born. It seems crazy that we shared so much laughter and excitement with the birth parents and their siblings, parents, friends, and my sister who flew in from Florida. But it was like a puzzle taking shape before our eyes. No fear. No doubts. No anxiety. Just peace as the pieces began to take shape.

When my baby girl was placed into my arms for the first time, it was like the hand of God was handing her to me. She looked at me and all I heard God say was, “See how much I love you? You had to wait because your gift wasn’t ready. I’ve never left you. I’ve never turned a deaf ear to you. And I haven’t punished you like you thought you deserved. Don’t ever forget how much I love you.”

I assure you that the road to Kansas and finding my way to being a mom was a difficult one. I felt so forgotten, so unloved, and so disgusted with myself that I didn’t think there was any hope for my dreams to come true. I know now that the path God carves for us in the mud sometimes takes a completely different route than we imagined. You can’t be afraid to trust where He leads just because you might get a little dirty. Do you need to hear from Him? Then search for Him with your whole heart. I remember praying that someone would come my way who could help me through my depression, who I could talk to when the pain got unbearable, who would simply understand me. Know what I heard God say? “I’m not sending anyone to help. This is about you and Me.” And it was in His true faithfulness that God met me, at my lowest pit and changed my life for good. Oh, I’m grateful for the children that call me Mom. I’m grateful for my husband who obediently went to Kansas because he thought he was there to sing a few songs. I’m eternally grateful for the brave girls who chose life and gave us the privilege of becoming parents.

But more than that, I am forever grateful to a merciful Father who loves me. Who works all things together for my good. Who never leaves me or forsakes me, and who doesn’t deal with me according to my sin or repay me according to my iniquities.

He has written a story we’ll never get tired of telling.

I Don’t Go To Church To Worship

‘I go to church to worship’ is a statement most of us have said or would agree with. However, when we go to church to worship, our experience often depends on the song choices, the ambience, the volume, whether the pastor is there, or some other expectation we have. Have you ever been to the mall just because? If so, you’ve probably bought something you didn’t need and felt like you wasted your time and money. However, if you’ve ever been to the mall to purchase a pair of tennis shoes or a belt your experience is probably much different, right? You know which store or few stores you’re going to visit and you probably already have a price in mind. The difference is focus.

Through the years, as I’ve attended church to worship I often left feeling like I hadn’t really worshiped. My mind was some place else. My heart just wasn’t in it. The songs had too many words. I was coming off a busy week. The pastor was out of town. You get the point!

However, as I’ve learned more about becoming a daily worshiper, my experience with church has changed.  Becoming a daily worshiper brings focus. Becoming a daily worshiper means I walk in church wanting more of Jesus. That means the songs don’t all have to be on my top ten favorites list. The senior pastor could be on Sabbatical and that’s okay. Worship is my responsibility and privilege every day. So I decided!

I’m not going to church to worship anymore!

Now I go to church with worship instead of to worship. This simple principle has allowed me a greater opportunity to experience God’s powerful presence rather than expecting a song or someone to do something extraordinary for me to find my way to worship.

If you want church to become more than a place you visit once a week to worship, try practicing worship throughout your week. Allow it to become part your every day. You may find, like me, that you’ll start going to church with worship and that will change church forever.

What are some ways you’ve found to worship throughout your week?

Holy Rain

Growing up in the South, we always referred to a slow rain as a sprinkling. Others called it a mist or a drizzle. Whatever you call it, it gets everything wet. If you watch the grass or a bed of flowers during a sprinkling, it seems like the flowers take on a different personality. And the grass seems to spring to attention as if the rain has somehow caused it to realize its full potential.

I love the rain. I love to listen to the rain.

When I was eight years old my grandparents lived in an old farm house surrounded by pecan trees and gnats. There were many afternoons when the sky produced clouds and an afternoon shower. After a shower the evening became muggy or cool, depending on the time of year. But one thing was certain at any time of year: the rain changed everything. There was nothing quite like sitting on my grandparents’ front porch in their old gray wooden swing, listening as the rain poured onto the tin roof. Years later, I still enjoy a good rain. Not the kind that comes with harsh winds, thunder, and lightning, but the gentle kind: sprinklings, afternoon showers.

Sometimes I experience an altogether different kind of rain. I can’t see it. I can’t touch it. I can’t smell it. But I can feel it. It permeates every nook and cranny of my being. I call it a holy rain. I don’t know why, really. I guess because the same God who causes the rain outside to fall also has something to do with this rain as well, and it feels very similar.

Have you ever been in the middle of a bad or difficult situation where you didn’t know what to do but then you felt calm around you? Have you ever experienced peace when your mind was in turmoil? I have, and it’s really much like the rain in a way. If you imagine peace falling just like the rain, all around, soaking your entire being, bringing gentle comfort and unexplainable peace, that’s the rain I’m talking about.

Growing up I used to hear people talk about God being right beside us. I wasn’t really sure what that meant. Fortunately, my four-year-old son seems to grasp it better than I did. My wife recently told him that God is everywhere. The other night he had her look under the bed to see if God was there. He was so certain that God was there that he expected my wife to find Him under the bed or behind the door.

Many religious groups have their gods in clear sight so they can touch and see them. But we pray to and worship one who we can’t see. We know, however, that when we pray or worship God, He smiles. There’s also a little scripture well hidden in Zephaniah 3:17 that says God rejoices over us with singing. That’s powerful. No other god makes that claim. The reality is He is always near us, longing for our conversation and worship. We need to have the ability, like my son, to feel certain at all times that God is right beside us.

When it rains these days I can’t help thinking that God is blessing the earth so that it may flourish. That is exactly what He does in our lives. He rains down grace, mercy, faithfulness, healing, or whatever blessing He sees that we need. He is a gracious God who loves us more than we could ever imagine. Regardless of the circumstance, time of day or year, there is always something to give God thanks and praise for. And it’s that belief, that awareness of His really being there, just as real as the rain, that allows His holy rain to soak our lives, helping us to reach our full potential.

Have you ever felt God’s presence fall like rain?

Sacrifice

Worship is such a hot topic today.

We talk about styles of worship. We talk about methods of worship. We talk about ancient/modern worship. We talk about contemporary versus traditional worship. There is the hymn crowd and the alternative crowd, emerging worship and sacramental worship.

We gear services towards worship styles in order to tailor worship to the needs of the congregation. Worship music comes in all flavors. The volume of worship music being produced annually allows for a treasure trove of options for the modern worshiper.

But in all of the debate, discussion, and experimentation, I wonder if perhaps we have forgotten what the heart of worship was really meant to be. The heart of worship is not found in styles, rhythms, or cadence. Nor is it found in lyrics, orchestrations, or multi-media presentations. The heart of worship from Genesis to Revelation has always been summed up in one word: SACRIFICE.

Mike Atkins
From : Perspectives on Worship

Get Your Armor On

Bottom line: The enemy is after your soul. Scary? It’s just truth. He seeks to destroy all that is good. And it doesn’t matter how long it takes or what hoops he has to jump through. The chance of taking you down is the fuel that keeps him motivated. However, most of us live in a bubble that feels relatively safe. Our minds are rarely on the fact that a roaring lion is on the outskirts of our safety net. It’s not that we should live in fear.  But we must be mindful of an evil presence that desires our worship and our very lives. This isn’t a middle school scuffle we’re talking about. This isn’t some tall tale. This is a life-or-death fight to the finish. (The Message Ephesians 6:10-12) Apathy. Neglect. Carelessness. Fear. Anger. Passiveness. Busyness. Pride. Lust. Cheating. Addictions. When these words are present in our life, we’re inviting a powerful and persuasive spirit into our safe area.

We MUST use every weapon available. The shield of faith. The belt of truth. The breastplate of righteousness. The helmet of salvation. The sword of the spirit. Right about now you may be picturing a group of 1st graders at a little Christian school singing an out of tune, cheesy song. Hear this; God’s Word is an indispensable weapon. We MUST fill our minds and hearts daily with His Word so when it’s all over we are still on our feet. (The Message Ephesians 6: 13-18)

Be shaken! Not fearful! But shaken! If you aren’t then read this again and again until you feel the seriousness of the situation. It’s time to get our armor on.

 

Change Your Worship

Recently, at 38,000 feet comfortably seated in 15D, a thought crossed my mind. Am I any closer to God than when I’m on the ground? Probably not!  But on days when I fly I pray on the way to the airport and while I’m waiting to board and as I’m walking down the Jetway and once I’m seated and while we’re going down the runway and when we are finding our way through the clouds and only then do I finally relax once the bumps subside.

This is similar to the way we live life isn’t it? Trouble comes and we stress. We pray. We worry some more. We say Jesus a whole lot. Then when things calm down we go about our business as if nothing ever happened. That is until the next storm blows in.

Why is this?

It’s about our relationship and we have the capacity to change it. But it’s probably one of the most difficult things we’ll ever attempt.

When I fly I feel closer to him not because I’m 6 miles off the ground. I feel closer to Him because I’m focused on Him.

If you’ve ever attempted anything challenging and succeeded you know what I’m talking about. Running a  1/2 or full marathon takes courage, persistence and focus. Relationships need love, persistence and focus. Learning to play an instrument takes practice and focus. Worship is the same. It takes desire, surrender and focus.

But, how often do we focus? Really focus on God? We sing songs to Him in church but many times before we find our focus the song is over. One reason is, we usually come to church ‘to’ worship instead of ‘with’ worship. But what would happen if we found our way to His presence more often? Daily? I assure you it’s easier said than done.

Would you like to try it?

I encourage you to find time this week where you can focus all your attention on Him. Once you make time for focused time with God your relationship will grow and you’ll develop a desire to be in His presence daily. And, I promise that will change your worship.

One thing better than an iPhone!

My parents don’t have an iPhone. Actually, they just bought a computer. However, they have something only few people have ever achieved. 50 years of marriage! It’s not been a perfect marriage, but…

Anything you do for 50 years and remain happy about it takes work.

Since attending their celebration I’ve thought a lot about what is needed to hit the same mark. It takes hope. Persistence. Forgiveness. Lots of laughs. Hugs. More smiles than frowns. Sharing. Honesty. A walk on the beach. Lots of kisses. Going on dates. Planning a few vacations together. Integrity. Giving to those in need. Getting involved in your church. Making friends. Being vulnerable with each other. Sharing your dreams. Walking through tough moments together. Becoming dependent on God more than each other. Prayer. Worship. Singing. Loving one another. Respect. Encouragement. Support. Acting crazy on purpose.

I’m not great at everything on the list yet but my parents 50th reminded me how important friends and family are and what it takes to make dreams come true.

How about you? What are your dreams? Is there something that has made life work for you that’s not on my list?

What I Learned In California

When I landed in California for a recent worship retreat, the first thing I noticed was the weather that seems to never go out of style. No humidity. Clear sky. Beautiful landscape. Need I say more? After a full evening on the opening night, I don’t remember much once I found my room and my head found the comfy pillows. On Saturday our day was packed but one of my favorite parts was listening to the senior pastor unpack some thoughts on being a worshiper. I also found out I love turkey sandwiches on sourdough bread with cranberry sauce, lettuce and mayonnaise. Here’s a recap from that morning devotion:

It’s easy to get sidetracked thinking that worship’s big moment in our life is when the stage is full of musicians. Fact is, worship has not as much to do about music. But it has everything to do with our heart. I know we talk about worship being a lifestyle. There are plenty of quotes on Twitter and posts on Facebook and blogs written daily on the subject. And, I know for the most part we believe it. However, it’s another thing to live it out. Our weekend service should actually be an overflow of what our week has been like. But when our weekly schedule or lack of planning shapes our life of worship, we arrive at church feeling worn out and unwilling to participate.  Worship becomes sporadic at best. We must find a solution! Agreed?

Finding our way to God’s presence each day is a must!

We can’t do life on our own strength. For those in leadership; including staff, choir, worship team, band, worship leader, artist, orchestra, media etc. we aren’t exempt.

Pastor went on to say, we need a God touch not a production! It’s easy to get off balance trying to copy every guitar riff or amazing vocal lick and before we know it we quickly become the object of focus instead of God. We must find ways to take the focus off ourselves and point people to the Creator of all things. Just going through the motions or spin we’ve learned over the years won’t do much to build our connection with God either. Worship takes relationship. It takes our heart connecting to God’s heart. Sometimes we just need to be reminded. Where are you with all this?

 

 

Age Doesn’t Mean Much.

God has a purpose and plan for your life. Have you heard someone say that? It happens to be from one of the most quoted scriptures in Jeremiah. (Jeremiah 29:11) So what’s your purpose? What’s God’s plan for you? If you’re reading this and think you’re not seasoned yet or it’s just too late, think again. Age doesn’t mean much to God. He’s just looking for a willing heart. He has always worked through people who wouldn’t have been chosen first. A young boy watching over his father’s sheep. A teenage girl who became the most important and talked about woman in history. Then there was Noah. He was five or six hundred years old when he built the ark. Still think you’re too old? How about Abraham? Sarah? The list goes on and on. What are you passionate about? What gift has God given you? Are you living it out? Or is something standing in the way? Is it fear? The unknown? Your schedule? I know, there’s always something! Regardless, God has a specific purpose for you being here today.

Sometimes we get off-track thinking we’re supposed to do some grand thing that exceeds everyone’s expectation. Actually our purpose may be simply living out Christ in front of our neighbor, co-worker or family member. It may not be building an ark or pastoring a church or growing a company that does good things. It could be teaching children in Sunday school. Or maybe someone needs to see your smile. No one has the smile you do. And, your laugh is infectious. Don’t stop! What if you paid for someone’s lunch today? Or, bake some homemade cookies and give a dozen to a neighbor down the street. You have the power to change the direction of someone’s day. Do you get my point? You have gifts regardless of your age. Question is, are you using them? Get started today!

Breathe This In

This isn’t meant to be trivial or smart. As I was thinking about what to share I realized I didn’t have anything stronger to say than the sentence below. So, this will likely be one of the shortest but most important blogs you’ll read all day. Ready?

Jesus Loves You. (John 3:16)